


Grief Isn't One Man's Burden

by GaHoolianGirl



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Grief/Mourning, Inspired by Clannad: Afterstory, M/M, Rin is...dead of an unspecified cause, Sad, T to be safe since there is like one cuss and death is mentioned, but its a mite happier than that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7064512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>For every sad memory Iwatobi held, it held two more good ones with Rin, so he couldn’t bring himself to leave it. He could see himself walking down every street, surreptitiously holding Rin’s hand in his pocket. Laughing with Rin. Rin Matsuoka...</i>
</p><p>
  <i>...Matsuoka...</i>
</p><p>
  <i>...Gou Matsuoka...</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He was looking right at Gou Matsuoka.</i>
</p><hr/><p>
  <i>“I know you miss my brother. But so do we! He was someone’s son and brother as well as someone’s lover! How do you think it makes us feel that the one person who was closest to him lives fifteen minutes down the road yet couldn’t be bothered to say hello on the way to work?"</i>
</p><hr/><p>
  <i>It's been two years since Rin...</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grief Isn't One Man's Burden

**Author's Note:**

> The tone of this fic was inspired by Clannad. Which is the saddest anime I can think of, all these years later.
> 
> This goes out to [Carrochan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Carrochan/pseuds/Carrochan) , who sorta requested more AUs on my fic [If The Shoe Fits](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6926746). Sorry to say this is a sad one.

The sunlight creeped through the window, illuminating a sliver of Sousuke face. The daylight was bright and unwelcome to his tired eyes, which he rubbed with the heel of his palm. He swung his legs over the side of the bed in a robotic motion.

“Rin,” he began, but nearly bit his tongue off in stopping himself. He just looked at the floor, trying to count all the strings in the carpet to keep himself from crying. It was nearly two years ago, but it still...

Hurt. It still hurt. Like a fresh, gaping wound that reopened every morning after he awoke from  his dreams.

He managed to push himself from the bed, mindlessly scratching his right shoulder. His eyes were mostly still shut with sleepiness, but he was able to pull out his outfit. A blue hoodie and jeans. He used to dress better, but he had never picked those outfits for himself, never had the taste nor time for it.

That was Rin’s job. He said he liked doing that for him, that he liked making that little mark on Sousuke every morning.

Work was just was it was, to Sousuke. Work. A means to make a living. He never saw it as much else, never needed to. He didn’t have much of a dream to look forward to. Not swimming. College didn’t seem plausible, not after his parents wanted nothing to do with him after coming out. Rin’s family wanted to help but...he couldn’t accept that. He couldn’t take anything else from the Matsuokas.

He couldn’t truly give up swimming, though, not when it was such a big part of his and Rin’s life. Every weekend he would do part time at the local pool, teaching the older children. But during the week, he worked a blue collar job. Electrician. It paid enough for his simple life. Smokes. The occasional (more than occasional) drink. Cable bills. Food. He never drove anything besides the work van, so he didn’t need gas.

It was Sunday, so he didn’t have to go to work. He walked over to the kitchenette, discouraged to find nothing in the fridge for breakfast. No food meant leaving the house.

For every sad memory Iwatobi held, it held two more good ones with Rin, so he couldn’t bring himself to leave it. He could see himself walking down every street, surreptitiously holding Rin’s hand in his pocket. Laughing with Rin. Rin Matsuoka...

...Matsuoka...

...Gou Matsuoka...

He was looking right at Gou Matsuoka.

“Sousuke-kun!”  
  
“Gou,” the faintest hint of surprise worked it’s way into his monotone, “It’s been awhile.”

She puffed her cheeks out and gripped the handle of her purse, “Awhile! What an understatement! More like avoiding us.”

He scratched the back of his head, looking almost apologetic, “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. It’s not like I do it on purpose, it’s just...” he trailed off, looking down at the sun scorched pavement. It was the middle of summer, Rin’s favorite season.

“I really understand, I do, but,” her voice cracked and she looked at him with imploring eyes, “Mom really wants to see you! Wont you please come to lunch?”

His mouth opened, denial on the tip of his tongue, but the rumble of his stomach and the tears in her eyes made him bite the words back. It was impossible to deny anything to a Matsuoka when they really wanted it.

“Sure.”

* * *

“Mom! I’ve brought a guest!”

“Oh, who is it sweetheart-” The pot nearly slipped from the old woman’s hand as she got a look at their tall guest, who was currently leaning down to remove his shoes.

“Oh, Sousuke-kun...it’s been quite awhile, hasn’t it?”  
  
“It has, Mrs. Matsuoka. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been fine,” she looked him up and down, taking in his wrinkled shirt, rough stubble, and messy hair, “And you?” she said, clearly already knowing the answer.

“I’ve been surviving.”

“That you have.”

There was none of the resentment he had pictured in her tone. No accusation, no blame, no hate. All he heard in her in voice was sadness and pity, and that was worse, because he hadn’t prepared for pity.

“Please, come on in and eat.”

“...thanks for having me.”

* * *

 Lunch was delicious, if not a little tense. He spent a good chunk of the meal shooting glances at the two women who sat on either side of him. He was the last person to see their son and brother breathing. How can they just...share a meal with him?

Not that it detracted from the taste of the food, however. If the Matsuokas were good at any three things, it would be athletics, manipulation, and cooking. He ate with gusto, as nothing had been in his stomach for weeks besides convenience store food. It was a good, hearty meal. It tasted like good memories.

_Rin was standing at the stove, wearing the apron with a fish Haru had bought him as a gag. He prodded what was on the burner with his spoon, laughing at some comment Sousuke made._

Sousuke’s mind fell back to earth, and he put his bowl on the table a little more forcefully than he wanted, “Thank you for the meal,” he said, eyeing the door, “But I-”

“Wont you stay awhile?” the mother daughter spoke in near perfect unison, looking at him with the same wide eyes. Rin’s eyes. Wide, bright, red eyes, pleading, _Sousuke_ -

“I can’t,” he tripped over his own words, scooting backwards, a sense of dread and panic filling his chest, “Too many memories-”

Gou’s fist smacked down onto the table, rattling all the plates and cups, “How do you think we feel!?”

“Gou!-” her mother pleaded, but she just turned a silencing glare to her.

“I know you miss my brother. But so do we! He was someone’s son and brother as well as someone’s lover! How do you think it makes us feel that the one person who was closest to him lives fifteen minutes down the road yet couldn’t be bothered to say hello on the way to work?” she took a deep inhale of breath, “It hurts, dammit! You mattered to Rin, so you matter to us. We can help you, we want to help you. So let us, you idiot!”

She sat back down with flourish, tears prickling her eyes.

Emboldened by her daughter’s outburst, the elder Matsuoka took up her mantle, “She’s right, Sousuke-kun. I remember the day you came to us, red in the face with a bruise on your cheek. _‘Uhm, sorry to intrude, but my dad kicked me out’_ ,” she smiled regretfully, “ “ _‘Why?’_ I asked you. Rin smiled at you, and you flushed, _‘I’m dating Rin, so...’_ ”

“I remember that day. I never had a full conversation with my mom or dad since then.”

“I know, dear. But I knew I couldn’t turn you away, be damned what everyone said. Toraichi and I had a conversation about that exact thing when Rin was born. _‘We’ll never turn our children out, no matter what.’_ And do you know what? The moment you stepped into my house, you became one of my children.”

Sousuke had only cried over two things after he hit puberty. His shoulder and Rin’s passing. But now, tears prickled his eyes and they refused to obey his mental command to hold back. They streamed down his face like a steady river that pooled onto his lap. Mrs. Matsuoka placed her hand on top of his, “So please, come to us. We understand what you’re feeling. Rin told us you like to bottle up your emotions, but he also told us something else...”

Gou’s angry tears had started to dry, and she sat up straight, a smile playing at her lips, “He said you could never deny a Matsuoka.”

He took in a shuddering breath at the sight of the familiar grin on a different face, and it forced a small smile onto his lips out of habit. Two years of pain wouldn’t wash away immediately. Memories would linger the streets of Iwatobi until the day he died himself. But for the first time since that day, a feeling of hope sparked in his chest. He looked down at the table, picking up his bowl.

He spoke up, his voice wobbling and the tears still coming, “Can I have seconds?”•

**Author's Note:**

> Temporary: I am taking fic requests since I am coming upon 100 fics. Reach me at [my tumblr](http://gahooliangirl.tumblr.com/) or through my email, gahooliangirl@gmail.com. This will last until I get a few, so if you'd like it, I suggest you hurry up!


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